The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

The Science of Systems

What’s my most powerful weapon? What’s the weapon that can finally win? It’s not a gun or a bomb. It’s the science of systems. It’s seeing and really understanding how things are connected. And it’s also seeing all the traps and distractions that are put in your way.

Here’s the best part. Once you learn this science – once enough people understand it – we can create an army that will win the war. Which is the first thing they don’t want you to know!

V.A. Shiva Ayyadurai

An interview with Dr. Bob Wentworth, Trainer, NVC

Non-violent Communication (NVC) is based on the principles of non-violence — the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart.

NVC begins by assuming that we are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategies—whether verbal or physical—are learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. NVC also assumes that we all share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs.

People who practice NVC have found greater authenticity in their communication, increased understanding, deepening connection and conflict resolution.

Dr Bob Wentworth